My boyfriend was picking me up for Easter brunch back at his house. When I saw his sports car pull into my driveway, I rushed out of the house and up to his door. As he rolled down his window, I stepped back so he could see my entire outfit, and I shyly tucked my long hair behind my ear. I remember smiling ear to ear, excited to see what he thought of how I looked. Rather than tell me I looked pretty, he gave me the once-over and rudely asked, "why on earth are you wearing all that?"
When we arrived at his house, I took a seat at a long card table that was set up in the kitchen. I was sandwiched between my boyfriend and his brother-in-law. While I was picking at my food, my boyfriend was glued to his phone. He barely said a handful of words to me throughout the entire brunch. Out of curiosity (and annoyance), I glanced at his phone to see who he was texting…. it was his brother-in-law. The same brother-in-law that was sitting on the other side of me. I thought it was weird that my boyfriend didn't just talk to him in person, but the next time I looked at his phone, I saw why talking out loud wouldn't be appropriate. The image I saw on his phone made me sick to my stomach. My boyfriend and his brother-in-law were exchanging pictures of nearly-naked women.
As a naïve freshman in high school, I didn't understand the far-reaching effects of pornography. I just instinctively knew it was wrong. At the time, I didn't have the courage and confidence to confront my boyfriend about what I saw on his phone. I simply ended the relationship. . . no questions asked. In the years since then, I have become more educated about why pornography is a serious matter for both men and women.
Neurologically, pornography trains a man's brain to associate sexual joy with trashy, forbidden fantasies. No woman can compete with these images because Godly relationships require respect and reverence. Even if a married woman did attempt to conform to such a warped image of womanhood to win or keep her husband's sexual attention and interest, her victory would be hallow and momentary. Research shows that men who poison their minds with lecherous images grow bored of the women they are lusting over within seconds. They need more and more images to satisfy them. When a man looks at porn, he sees women as objects rather than precious treasures. Therefore, when pornography infects a relationship, the woman is the one who pays the highest price.
A psychologist named Dr. Douglas Kenrick carried out several studies on the effects of pornography. In one of his experiments, Kenrick revealed images of Playboy models, moderately attractive women, and abstract art to separate groups of male students. Afterward, he asked his test subjects to rate the attractiveness of an average female. Those male students who had looked at the porn rated her less attractive than the other two groups did. They even rated their actual girlfriends the lowest in terms of attractiveness and how much they loved them!
No wonder my modest red sundress wasn't enough to make my boyfriend bat an eye.
Because of pornography, it never could be.
As Paul said in his first epistle to the Corinthians, " No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation, He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." (1 Corinthians 10:13)
With all of the technology we have available, the temptation to view pornography can be great. That being said, it is my prayer that men would seek God for the strength to resist becoming enslaved by it. Whether it is a graphic video or a seductive picture of a Victoria's Secret model, Father help men shield their eyes from these lustful images and their minds from lustful thoughts. Help them keep their hearts focused on You.
So many girls realize that the problem of porn is widespread among men yet they have no desire to address it. Instead, they often choose to accept it and rationalize it by believing the lie that "boys will be boys." It is my hope that more women would realize that when a man's expectations of a female's body and behavior are shaped by the porn industry, it causes immeasurable harm to his relationships with women. We need to stop taking this lightly.
Pornography robs a man of his ability to be captivated by true beauty in a woman.
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