Psalm 31:9-14

"Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am in distress.

Tears blur my eyes.

My body and soul are withering away.

I am dying from grief;

my years are shortened by sadness.

Sin has drained my strength;

I am wasting away from within.

I am scorned by all my enemies

and despised by my neighbors-

even my friends are afraid to come near me. 

When they see me on the street, 

they run the other way.

I am ignored as if I were dead,

as if I were a broken pot.

I have heard the many rumors about me,

and I am surrounded by terror. 

My enemies conspire against me, plotting to take my life.

But I am trusting you, O Lord, saying, 

'You are my God!'"

As I grabbed my bible from the bottom drawer of my desk, a notecard, that was once wedged tightly in between the pages, fluttered to the ground. The words on the notecard were written by my high school self during a time when I felt much like the broken pot that David described in his writings... In response to Psalm 31:9-14, the card read :

Refresh yourself.  

Rest in the presence of the Lord and allow Him to reinvigorate your spirit. 

Lose yourself. 

Surrender all your encumbrances, all your thoughts, all your busyness to God. He is your burden-bearer. 

 He has conquered the world and stripped it of its power to harm you.

Thank you, God, for that little reminder as I prepare for my second semester at IWU to commence. 

Have you ever gone to a grocery store on an empty stomach and it just so happened to be the day where employees lined the aisles with various free samples of food? Because you are completely surrounded by delectable food - but not necessarily eating any of it - any morsel is like music to your taste buds. You probably walk away from the sample table thinking, "That was by far the most succulent meatball I have ever tasted." In all likelihood, it was probably pure lard, but because  of your near-famished state, the free sample was infinitely satisfying. You probably make a few more laps around the grocery store to pilfer a few more meatball samples hoping the employee doesn't recognize you. However, after you arrive back home from your moment of weakness in the grocery store, you no longer have an appetite. By spending so much time gorging yourself on the cheap appetizers, you no longer have a hankering for the "real" meal. 

When a woman settles for a man,  she does the same thing in terms of love. She stuffs herself with guys who, for lack of a more accurate description, are the free-sample meatballs offered at the grocery store. A woman's stomach wasn't created for lousy appetizers, her stomach was made for a gourmet seven-course meal. If authentic love  ever comes around, she'll be too stuffed to accept it. 

During your time of waiting, realize that God is making things happen for you. Even when you cannot see it, even you cannot feel it, even if it's not evident, God is working on your prayers. He hears the cries of your heart and knows your deepest desires even if they are left unsaid. Find peace in that. Find peace in knowing that there is more to God's beautiful painting than what your eye can see. 

You are the daughter of a King. 

Be His. 

I wore a dainty red sundress and my favorite Old Navy cardigan. Because it was Easter Sunday, I adorned my neck with a string of  pearls (granted they were fake… I still loved them). I even spritzed some of my mother's perfume onto my wrists and rubbed them together. I felt beautiful.

My boyfriend was picking me up for Easter brunch back at his house. When I  saw his sports car pull into my driveway, I rushed out of the house and up to his door. As he rolled down his window, I stepped back so he could see my entire outfit, and I shyly tucked my long hair behind my ear. I remember smiling ear to ear, excited to see what he thought of how I looked. Rather than tell me I looked pretty, he gave me the once-over and rudely asked, "why on earth are you wearing all that?" 

When we arrived at his house, I took a seat at a long card table that was set up in the kitchen. I was sandwiched between my boyfriend and his brother-in-law. While I was picking at my food, my boyfriend was glued to his phone. He barely said a handful of words to me throughout the entire brunch.  Out of curiosity (and annoyance), I glanced at his phone to see who he was texting…. it was his brother-in-law. The same brother-in-law that was sitting on the other side of me. I thought it was weird that my boyfriend didn't just talk to him in person, but the next time I looked at his phone, I saw why talking out loud wouldn't be appropriate. The image I saw on his phone made me sick to my stomach. My boyfriend and his brother-in-law were exchanging pictures of nearly-naked women.

As a naïve freshman in high school, I didn't understand the far-reaching effects of pornography. I just instinctively knew it was wrong. At the time, I didn't have the courage and confidence to confront my boyfriend about what I saw on his phone. I simply ended the relationship. . . no questions asked. In the years since then, I have become more educated about why pornography is a serious matter for both men and women. 

 Neurologically, pornography trains a man's brain to associate sexual joy with trashy, forbidden fantasies. No woman can compete with these images because Godly relationships require respect and reverence. Even if a married woman did attempt to conform to such a warped image of womanhood to win  or keep her husband's sexual attention and interest, her victory would be hallow and momentary.  Research shows that men who poison their minds with lecherous images grow bored of the women they are lusting over within seconds. They need more and more images to satisfy them.  When a man looks at porn,  he sees women as objects rather than precious treasures. Therefore, when pornography infects a relationship, the woman is the one who pays the highest price.

A psychologist named Dr. Douglas Kenrick carried out several studies on the effects of pornography. In one of his experiments, Kenrick revealed images of Playboy models, moderately attractive women, and abstract art to separate groups of male students. Afterward, he asked his test subjects to rate the attractiveness of an average female. Those male students who had looked at the porn rated her less attractive than the other two groups did. They even rated their actual girlfriends the lowest in terms of attractiveness and how much they loved them! 

No wonder my modest red sundress wasn't enough to make my boyfriend bat an eye. 

Because of pornography, it never could be. 

As Paul said in his first epistle to the Corinthians, " No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation, He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." (1 Corinthians 10:13)

With all of the technology we have available, the temptation to view pornography can be great. That being said, it is my prayer that men would seek God for the strength to resist becoming enslaved by it. Whether it is a graphic video or a seductive picture of a  Victoria's Secret model, Father help men shield their eyes from these lustful images and their minds from lustful thoughts. Help them keep their hearts focused on You. 

So many girls realize that the problem of porn is widespread among men yet they have no desire to address it. Instead, they often choose to accept it and rationalize it by believing the lie that "boys will be boys."  It is my hope that more women would realize that when a man's expectations of a female's body and behavior are shaped by the porn industry, it causes immeasurable harm to his relationships with women. We need to stop taking this lightly. 

Pornography robs a man of his ability to be captivated by true beauty in a woman.  

This past spring, my Facebook newsfeed was flooded with with a sea of red equal signs. Overnight, smiling faces of both friends and strangers were replaced with passionate propaganda supporting the redefinition of the meaning of marriage. Those equal signs screamed at me every time I explored my Facebook. As if the equality profile pictures were not enough, my newsfeed  was filled with offensive posts denouncing God and taking biblical verses out of context to support the recognition of gay marriage. As a Christian, I felt personally insulted. What was I supposed to do with those feelings? Rather than get my panties in a bunch, I hid the equality extremists from my newsfeed and carried on with my day. After all, I am sure they did the same thing to me because of my public adoration for Christ. 

However, the passionate "equality" posts and comics were not the only thing that struck a nerve with me…. I was just as disappointed with how Christianity, the church, and God were being represented by those on the other side of the issue. The majority of the Christians who debated the homosexuality/marriage topic on Facebook spoke with harsh tones and cold words sprinkled with a few supporting bible verses here and there.  Often my brothers and sisters in Christ sounded judgmental and unloving. 

Unless someone has an open and changeable heart for Jesus, a condemning bible verse is not going to radically change their view on an issue they are passionately supporting. After observing formal and informal debates in high school, I have noticed that the person being debated often focuses more on the tone of delivery and body language than the content of the argument. For example, in my senior english class, I was debating the topic of whether or not high schools should provide daycares for their students' children. In my opinion, my argument was solid, but because of my stubborn attitude and cocky delivery, my partner ignored every word I said. After class, he confessed to me that my arrogance was a "turn-off" and made him feel threatened and unwilling to hear what I had to say….. OUCH.

My partner's brutal honesty opened my eyes to how people in support of homosexual marriage may feel when Christians point their fingers.  When our [Christians] actions and words lack love, we come off as arrogant and judgmental. We give others the impression that God hates homosexual people. So when a person feels threatened like this, what would make him or her want to learn more about God and His true meaning and design for marriage?  I know that if I felt that Jesus and His followers hated me because I was homosexual, I would want nothing to do with Christianity. 

Also, the easiest thing in the world is to condemn the sins we personally are not tempted to commit. For example, .a sexually active woman who has genuine feelings for her boyfriend may look down upon girls who engage in meaningless hookups. Since she has no desire to settle for one-night stands, she convinces herself that she's superior to those who do settle for them. But by doing this, she is diverting her attention away from her own behavior which is equally sinful. 

In other words, we have a tendency to put "degrees of wrongness" on sins. The sins that we aren't tempted to commit become "big" sins or "the worst kind".  Naturally, we feel elite. I mean hello, we aren't thieves, adulteresses, or murderers, so we must be better off than those who are, right? Wrong

"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 6:23

As I read that verse, I noticed that Paul wasn't very specific about which sin would end in death. But then I remembered that to God all sin is the same. All sin breaks His heart. Promiscuity (both heterosexual and homosexual), gossip, stealing, lying, cheating…. it's all the same. Without Jesus Christ, all sin leads to death. 

That being said, it is my prayer that we [Christians] would be able to notice the log in our own eye before we point out the splinter in another's. It is my prayer that our hearts would hate all sin, not just the sins we aren't tempted to commit. Every time you see a red equal sign, use it as a reminder to ask God to make the sin that taints your heart more clear to you. 

"If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn't love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal." - 1 Corinthians 13:1

Obviously today is not August 4th, but how about we pretend it is! I am only three days late anyway.... Happy National Sister's Day to my beautiful older sister, Meg !

I spent my four years of high school with my nose in a book. I carried around two Texas Instrument calculators in my purse and if you dug deep enough, you'd probably even find a protractor. If my five pages of college statistics homework looked sloppy, I'd take the time to copy it onto five brand new pieces of paper. On Friday nights, rather than going to football games, I'd stay home and work on papers and experiments that weren't due for several weeks. My classmates chose me as their class brain and "most likely to be rich and famous". In the end, I graduated as the valedictorian of my class with an accumulative grade point average well above 4.0. 

When I wasn't busy being a nerd (or complete freak as my fellow classmates would call me), I was showing paint horses on a national level. I did this for two solid years of high school, missing over 20 days each year. (I still have yet to discover how I wasn't considered "truant"). In that time frame, I won over 19 national and world titles with my horse Leroy. 

I did all of this and yet I still completely missed the point of high school.  

Let me rephrase that…. I completely missed the point of high school as a Christ Follower.

Everyone knew I was a Christ-follower, but I never put down my book or calculator voluntarily to share the love of Christ with a fellow classmate.  

You see, my biggest fear was failure. So, consequently, I spent my high school years avoiding failure. However, my biggest fear should have been succeeding at things in life that really don't matter because that is exactly what I did. I wasted my high school years succeeding at things that didn't "build the Kingdom"  and missed out on so many opportunities to share Christ to a student body surrounded by darkness. 

Simply put, I regret how I spent my high school years. If I could trade in every world title and 4.0 grade point average in return for the ability to say with confidence "I planted seeds of light in a hopeless place" I would in a heartbeat.

I challenge you to reevaluate your life. I hate to admit it, but people who have never experienced the love of God tend to base their judgement of Him off of His followers. We, as Christians, may be the only bible some people read. What do you want them to take away from us? To my non-Christian classmates, because of my actions, the bible seemed to promote selfishness and earthly rewards rather than selflessness and Heaven being the ultimate reward. 

Rather then living your life with the goal of creating an impressive "résumé",  live your life with the goal of building up God's Kingdom and sharing the Good News with your words and actions. Put down your "book" or "calculator" and get your hands dirty! 

I am so excited about bringing these to college with me! The regular sized mason jars are going to be used as "pencil cans". The tiffany blue and lavender mason jars are mine and the others are ones I made for friends. The three miniature mason jars are going to be used for paper clips, push pins, laundry quarters, etc.  I am really happy with how they turned out! When it comes to crafts, I am usually accidentally cutting holes in my shirt and hot gluing my fingers together. 

During my senior year, I had a girl randomly approach me during my choir class and ask me if I was worried I wouldn't be sexually compatible with my husband because we didn't have a "test run" before we said I DO. Whoa… weird question especially while we were singing Jingle Bells.  I wasn't sure if she was serious or just poking fun at me. Regardless of her motive, I realized that all the young women around me were incredibly intrigued in what I had to say. Oh boy, I had to think of something good and fast! My short answer was a solid "No" sprinkled with "Marriage is so much more than sex." But here is my long answer….

Okay, so basically my classmate was asking me how I would know if I wanted to marry a man without sleeping with him…But on the flip side, how would I know I wanted to marry a man even if I did sleep with him? You see, sex wasn't created to be a pass/fail test for potential spouses. Pre-marital sex makes you less objective and definitely doesn't help you get to know a man. Pre-marital sex clouds your judgement and often causes unmarried couples to believe they have more of a connection than they really do.  When a woman marries a man because she believes he passed the sexually compatible test, their lack of compatibility will come to the surface later on when the fog of lust burns away. People who want to know everything about a partner before marriage - including the gift of sex- are actually saying that they have little faith in the relationship. As Jason Evertt explains in How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul:

"Imagine a lover saying to his fiancée,"You know, we really get along, but I need to see how you are in bed before I'll commit to spending my life with you." What does that say? If he marries her and she fails to thrill him sexually, will he love her less? If so, then one can be sure that he never loved her to begin with."

Food for thought: You can never completely know a person before marriage because it takes a lifetime to fully know someone!! Besides, if having intercourse allows you to "know a person completely", then how many woman do you want your husband to "know completely"? Or how many men do you want to "know completely?" 

I once had someone tell me that even if Jesus walked into the room, I wouldn't want to marry Him because my standards are unrealistically high. There is no better word than "offended" to describe how I felt when I was told that. I started doubting the once non-negotiable qualities I desired in a husband. Maybe I am a tad too picky? I stressed over that cold remark for the next few days. At one point, I felt so discouraged that I began to think maybe I should lower my expectations to what people would consider a realistic level. But after several days of constant prayer and examination of my heart, I felt at peace with the standards I had originally established. Now,  I am not picky about what my husband is to look like, but as the daughter of a King, I am more than okay with being picky when it comes to the character qualities I want my husband to have. God knows the desires of my heart and I believe that He will definitely acknowledge the important ones. Plus, as said by Jason Everett, by establishing non-negotiable standards for future relationships, a woman builds a castle around her heart. Unless a guy is man enough to ascend the wall, he has no chance of being with her. If you ask me, I want my castle wall to be pretty high so that only the man worthy of my heart will be able to climb it. And if my wall is too high for any man to climb, than I will live my life without the regret of settling for less than what God would have wanted for me. 

So whenever a man tells you that your standards are too high.... Realize that, chances are, he is probably intimidated by the height of the wall you have built around your heart. Instead of "manning up" and climbing the wall, he is trying to take the short cut by pressuring you to lower it!

And when a woman criticizes you for having unrealistic standards..... Understand that she may be envying the courage you have to wait for the right man rather than just settling for anyone.

In the meantime, keep guarding that precious heart of yours from cheap love! Put boundaries on your desires and don't go after everything you see. Trust that God is writing you the perfect love story and don't feel pressured to lower your standards out of impatience or because of criticism. God knows the deepest desires of our hearts. I don't believe He'd put them in our hearts if he never intended to do something with them! Find peace in that. 

PS: I would take being in Jesus's presence over meeting the man of my dreams any day!! 

Society has given the word "single" a negative connotation. Because of that, women are convinced that something must be wrong with them if they don't have a boyfriend. Society also continuously feeds women the lie that they will never be complete without a man.  Women, therefore, are ashamed of being single. Consequently, they tend to lower their standards and date anyone who tells them what their ears and hearts long to hear. All in all, if you see society as the source of truth, singleness is comparable to the bubonic plague. Maybe not, but still .... 

1. When you see singleness as a bad thing, you spend your "single" time desperately searching for another mate. By embracing the gift of singleness, you are freeing yourself from the bondage or worry and anxiety. Rather than trusting yourself to find your "perfectly imperfect" man, you are putting your trust and hope where it should have been in the first place: God. 
2. You are staying faithful to Proverbs 4:23. When you view singleness as a gift, you become more concerned about guarding your heart above all else rather than giving it away for cheap love. Therefore, you are avoiding unnecessary heartache.
3. You are able to focus on fellowship. One rule of thumb that I have repeatedly heard is : find your bridesmaids before finding your groom. This also comes in handy when you do finally get into a Godly relationship. You will have counsel  and accountability from women that truly love your heart. 
4. You can use your time as a single woman to think of the kind of man you want to marry. This is the best time to start doing it because you won't feel pressured to make the qualities you want in a husband match the ones in your current boyfriend. 
5. As a single woman, you can focus on the woman God is creating you to be. By giving Him your undivided attention and complete devotion, you will grow immensely in your love for Christ. 

"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pastures. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:3-4

You see? There is no reason to worry about what the future will or won't bring. God is faithful and knows your heart and your desires better than you! My rule of thumb is that if God's plan is different from my desires, he will change my heart so that I will find peace in whatever He has planned for me. Whenever you feel down about being a single woman, keep in mind that God may be still be at work in your life and/or your future husband's! Trust that God is going to bring you your husband at just the right time; until then, embrace the gift of singleness! I can promise you that no woman has ever regretted being single. The main regret women tend to have is not staying single and settling for cheap love to pass the time.

Snippets of what has been running through my mind these past few days.... I find comfort in these words.

You hung the stars.

You move the sea.

And still You know me.

Nothing is hidden from Your sight.

Wherever I go You find me.

You know every detail of my life.

You are God and You don't miss a thing.

You know my sin.

Yet you still call me by my name.

You are the child of a King who is not moved by this world. Your Heavenly Father is always with you and goes before you. Do not fear... you are His! You are His precious child, He will never neglect you. God is making things happen for you. Even when you don't feel it, even when you can't see it, even when it is not evident.. God is working on your prayers.

Trust in His plans for you.

Be patient in His timing.

Be His.

A few thoughts about #YOLO....

1. It is used to justify decisions that would normally make a person hesitate.

2. No matter how many times you use YOLO as a hash tag or a life motto, your decisions  (good or bad) will always have consequences. You can make a decision in as little as a few seconds, but your consequences can live with you forever.

3. You only live once? False, you live everyday. You only die once.

4. Since you only have one life, why risk ruining it?

5. YOLO can also mean You Obviously Love Oreos

6. Instead of seeing YOLO as an acronym that encourages rash decisions, use it to inspire you to spread God's love to others. At the end of the day, you want to be able to feel blessed not remorseful.

7. Like I said above... there are good "YOLO" moments. I have had a many.... ask me about them!

8. Before you "YOLO" your way through life, think of the long-term effects your decisions may have on : future jobs, your future spouse, your health, your future children, your reputation.....

9. Don't forget that God's grace erases all sin and pays all debt. He is redeemer! It is never too late to start over.

I have this awful tendency of belaboring how I have been wounded. Rather than turning the other cheek, I discover a million different ways to say "You hurt me". I formulate a million excuses as to why I should not accept an apology. Forgiveness has been an incredibly difficult concept for me to grasp. I'm prideful; forgiveness takes humility. Forgiving others was never natural or genuine until I began to remind myself of how much God has forgiven me. I withhold forgiveness from so many people because they have wronged me a little, yet God has forgiven me of so much. Remembering God's infinite love and forgiveness  has helped me love and forgive friends, family, strangers, and even enemies. I will never be a perfect forgiver, there is only One who can ever fulfill that title. However, forgiveness is the alternative to a life quenched in bitter feuding. Holding grudges is like drinking poison and hoping the other dies. Forgiveness is freeing. Forgiveness is what we are called to do as Christians.

I encourage you to forgive those who you have yet to be reconciled with. It can be in person or even a letter, but I promise you that you will feel free after you bury your hurt and allow God to worry about the wrongs you have suffered. All the while, mediate on the grace you have undeservingly been given and every second [third, fourth....one millionth] chance you have received. It makes the forgiveness you are offering have a true purpose and that much sweeter.

"Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others." -Colossians 3:13

Take a glimpse at my well-spent Saturday....

Because the four goldie pups were already spoken for, no doggies were purchased in the process. Just a whole lot of love passed around!

This would be such a great tattoo & a wonderful reminder to be
content in the Lord. This says "I AM" in sanskrit... It is
almost as if you are branding that you belong to Him.

"I AM" is one of my favorite names for God. Why is that? I AM is the greatest example of contentment. Chew on that for a few moments...when are we ever truly content? We aren't. We never walk around just saying I AM; we always finish our sentences with I AM tired, I AM hungry, I AM ready to have fun, etc. Unlike us, God doesn't have to finish His "I AM"statement because if He did, it would imply that He changes and He never does. If I am honest, most of my thoughts are wasted on worrying about my future or reflecting on my past. Both of these thoughts rarely include the Lord. The simple words "I AM" are a reminder to be fully present wherever I AM and to learn to be content whatever my circumstances.

Jesus, 

           

       Thank you being such a humble king and leaving Your throne. Thank You for taking my place and bearing my cross. You laid down Your life so that I would be set free. Jesus, You took my sinner's crown and placed Your crown on me. Thank you for showing me unfailing love and amazing grace. Even though You know the sin that taints me, You still call me by my name. No matter how many times I reject You and disgrace You, Jesus, You still remain faithful. 

All six Vaschak cousins (June, 2013)

Dear Massachusetts, it literally cost us an arm and a leg (and my stomach contents) to arrive in your state for my cousin's wedding. Dear Cleveland Hopkins Airport,  I am impressed with your incredibly sympathetic employees. When we were stuck in the mile-long security line, nearly missing our flight, your employees kindly stood there and smiled all the while watching us panic as time slipped away. I have decided to blame you for making me have to sprint what felt like a marathon, scale three flights of steps, and puke on the airplane. I puked in a bag.... that is just gross.  Dear Fisher Cats,  I am now aware that you dine on small animals, toddlers, and grandmas. Thank you for not inhabiting Ohio and please do not get any ideas of doing so anytime soon. Dear Vaschaks, my legs felt like jello ... that means it was a successful night of dancing right? We need to draw straws to see who is getting married next. I am ready for round two already!