During my senior year, I had a girl randomly approach me during my choir class and ask me if I was worried I wouldn't be sexually compatible with my husband because we didn't have a "test run" before we said I DO. Whoa… weird question especially while we were singing Jingle Bells.  I wasn't sure if she was serious or just poking fun at me. Regardless of her motive, I realized that all the young women around me were incredibly intrigued in what I had to say. Oh boy, I had to think of something good and fast! My short answer was a solid "No" sprinkled with "Marriage is so much more than sex." But here is my long answer….

Okay, so basically my classmate was asking me how I would know if I wanted to marry a man without sleeping with him…But on the flip side, how would I know I wanted to marry a man even if I did sleep with him? You see, sex wasn't created to be a pass/fail test for potential spouses. Pre-marital sex makes you less objective and definitely doesn't help you get to know a man. Pre-marital sex clouds your judgement and often causes unmarried couples to believe they have more of a connection than they really do.  When a woman marries a man because she believes he passed the sexually compatible test, their lack of compatibility will come to the surface later on when the fog of lust burns away. People who want to know everything about a partner before marriage - including the gift of sex- are actually saying that they have little faith in the relationship. As Jason Evertt explains in How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul:

"Imagine a lover saying to his fiancée,"You know, we really get along, but I need to see how you are in bed before I'll commit to spending my life with you." What does that say? If he marries her and she fails to thrill him sexually, will he love her less? If so, then one can be sure that he never loved her to begin with."

Food for thought: You can never completely know a person before marriage because it takes a lifetime to fully know someone!! Besides, if having intercourse allows you to "know a person completely", then how many woman do you want your husband to "know completely"? Or how many men do you want to "know completely?" 

I once had someone tell me that even if Jesus walked into the room, I wouldn't want to marry Him because my standards are unrealistically high. There is no better word than "offended" to describe how I felt when I was told that. I started doubting the once non-negotiable qualities I desired in a husband. Maybe I am a tad too picky? I stressed over that cold remark for the next few days. At one point, I felt so discouraged that I began to think maybe I should lower my expectations to what people would consider a realistic level. But after several days of constant prayer and examination of my heart, I felt at peace with the standards I had originally established. Now,  I am not picky about what my husband is to look like, but as the daughter of a King, I am more than okay with being picky when it comes to the character qualities I want my husband to have. God knows the desires of my heart and I believe that He will definitely acknowledge the important ones. Plus, as said by Jason Everett, by establishing non-negotiable standards for future relationships, a woman builds a castle around her heart. Unless a guy is man enough to ascend the wall, he has no chance of being with her. If you ask me, I want my castle wall to be pretty high so that only the man worthy of my heart will be able to climb it. And if my wall is too high for any man to climb, than I will live my life without the regret of settling for less than what God would have wanted for me. 

So whenever a man tells you that your standards are too high.... Realize that, chances are, he is probably intimidated by the height of the wall you have built around your heart. Instead of "manning up" and climbing the wall, he is trying to take the short cut by pressuring you to lower it!

And when a woman criticizes you for having unrealistic standards..... Understand that she may be envying the courage you have to wait for the right man rather than just settling for anyone.

In the meantime, keep guarding that precious heart of yours from cheap love! Put boundaries on your desires and don't go after everything you see. Trust that God is writing you the perfect love story and don't feel pressured to lower your standards out of impatience or because of criticism. God knows the deepest desires of our hearts. I don't believe He'd put them in our hearts if he never intended to do something with them! Find peace in that. 

PS: I would take being in Jesus's presence over meeting the man of my dreams any day!! 

Society has given the word "single" a negative connotation. Because of that, women are convinced that something must be wrong with them if they don't have a boyfriend. Society also continuously feeds women the lie that they will never be complete without a man.  Women, therefore, are ashamed of being single. Consequently, they tend to lower their standards and date anyone who tells them what their ears and hearts long to hear. All in all, if you see society as the source of truth, singleness is comparable to the bubonic plague. Maybe not, but still .... 

1. When you see singleness as a bad thing, you spend your "single" time desperately searching for another mate. By embracing the gift of singleness, you are freeing yourself from the bondage or worry and anxiety. Rather than trusting yourself to find your "perfectly imperfect" man, you are putting your trust and hope where it should have been in the first place: God. 
2. You are staying faithful to Proverbs 4:23. When you view singleness as a gift, you become more concerned about guarding your heart above all else rather than giving it away for cheap love. Therefore, you are avoiding unnecessary heartache.
3. You are able to focus on fellowship. One rule of thumb that I have repeatedly heard is : find your bridesmaids before finding your groom. This also comes in handy when you do finally get into a Godly relationship. You will have counsel  and accountability from women that truly love your heart. 
4. You can use your time as a single woman to think of the kind of man you want to marry. This is the best time to start doing it because you won't feel pressured to make the qualities you want in a husband match the ones in your current boyfriend. 
5. As a single woman, you can focus on the woman God is creating you to be. By giving Him your undivided attention and complete devotion, you will grow immensely in your love for Christ. 

"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pastures. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:3-4

You see? There is no reason to worry about what the future will or won't bring. God is faithful and knows your heart and your desires better than you! My rule of thumb is that if God's plan is different from my desires, he will change my heart so that I will find peace in whatever He has planned for me. Whenever you feel down about being a single woman, keep in mind that God may be still be at work in your life and/or your future husband's! Trust that God is going to bring you your husband at just the right time; until then, embrace the gift of singleness! I can promise you that no woman has ever regretted being single. The main regret women tend to have is not staying single and settling for cheap love to pass the time.

Snippets of what has been running through my mind these past few days.... I find comfort in these words.

You hung the stars.

You move the sea.

And still You know me.

Nothing is hidden from Your sight.

Wherever I go You find me.

You know every detail of my life.

You are God and You don't miss a thing.

You know my sin.

Yet you still call me by my name.

You are the child of a King who is not moved by this world. Your Heavenly Father is always with you and goes before you. Do not fear... you are His! You are His precious child, He will never neglect you. God is making things happen for you. Even when you don't feel it, even when you can't see it, even when it is not evident.. God is working on your prayers.

Trust in His plans for you.

Be patient in His timing.

Be His.

A few thoughts about #YOLO....

1. It is used to justify decisions that would normally make a person hesitate.

2. No matter how many times you use YOLO as a hash tag or a life motto, your decisions  (good or bad) will always have consequences. You can make a decision in as little as a few seconds, but your consequences can live with you forever.

3. You only live once? False, you live everyday. You only die once.

4. Since you only have one life, why risk ruining it?

5. YOLO can also mean You Obviously Love Oreos

6. Instead of seeing YOLO as an acronym that encourages rash decisions, use it to inspire you to spread God's love to others. At the end of the day, you want to be able to feel blessed not remorseful.

7. Like I said above... there are good "YOLO" moments. I have had a many.... ask me about them!

8. Before you "YOLO" your way through life, think of the long-term effects your decisions may have on : future jobs, your future spouse, your health, your future children, your reputation.....

9. Don't forget that God's grace erases all sin and pays all debt. He is redeemer! It is never too late to start over.

I have this awful tendency of belaboring how I have been wounded. Rather than turning the other cheek, I discover a million different ways to say "You hurt me". I formulate a million excuses as to why I should not accept an apology. Forgiveness has been an incredibly difficult concept for me to grasp. I'm prideful; forgiveness takes humility. Forgiving others was never natural or genuine until I began to remind myself of how much God has forgiven me. I withhold forgiveness from so many people because they have wronged me a little, yet God has forgiven me of so much. Remembering God's infinite love and forgiveness  has helped me love and forgive friends, family, strangers, and even enemies. I will never be a perfect forgiver, there is only One who can ever fulfill that title. However, forgiveness is the alternative to a life quenched in bitter feuding. Holding grudges is like drinking poison and hoping the other dies. Forgiveness is freeing. Forgiveness is what we are called to do as Christians.

I encourage you to forgive those who you have yet to be reconciled with. It can be in person or even a letter, but I promise you that you will feel free after you bury your hurt and allow God to worry about the wrongs you have suffered. All the while, mediate on the grace you have undeservingly been given and every second [third, fourth....one millionth] chance you have received. It makes the forgiveness you are offering have a true purpose and that much sweeter.

"Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others." -Colossians 3:13