Lux Bulbus...

During my senior year, I had a girl randomly approach me during my choir class and ask me if I was worried I wouldn't be sexually compatible with my husband because we didn't have a "test run" before we said I DO. Whoa… weird question especially while we were singing Jingle Bells.  I wasn't sure if she was serious or just poking fun at me. Regardless of her motive, I realized that all the young women around me were incredibly intrigued in what I had to say. Oh boy, I had to think of something good and fast! My short answer was a solid "No" sprinkled with "Marriage is so much more than sex." But here is my long answer….

Okay, so basically my classmate was asking me how I would know if I wanted to marry a man without sleeping with him…But on the flip side, how would I know I wanted to marry a man even if I did sleep with him? You see, sex wasn't created to be a pass/fail test for potential spouses. Pre-marital sex makes you less objective and definitely doesn't help you get to know a man. Pre-marital sex clouds your judgement and often causes unmarried couples to believe they have more of a connection than they really do.  When a woman marries a man because she believes he passed the sexually compatible test, their lack of compatibility will come to the surface later on when the fog of lust burns away. People who want to know everything about a partner before marriage - including the gift of sex- are actually saying that they have little faith in the relationship. As Jason Evertt explains in How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul:

"Imagine a lover saying to his fiancée,"You know, we really get along, but I need to see how you are in bed before I'll commit to spending my life with you." What does that say? If he marries her and she fails to thrill him sexually, will he love her less? If so, then one can be sure that he never loved her to begin with."

Food for thought: You can never completely know a person before marriage because it takes a lifetime to fully know someone!! Besides, if having intercourse allows you to "know a person completely", then how many woman do you want your husband to "know completely"? Or how many men do you want to "know completely?"